A Writer’s Thoughts on Intimidation
(or, things I learned after years of telling myself I wasn’t a writer.)
“Admiration for a quality or an art can be so strong that it deters us from striving to possess it.”—Friedrich Nietzche
Leave it to Nietzche to remind us of our rawest feelings. When we love books and poems and writers so much that we place their finished products up on our shelves and admire them, talk about them, emulate them, take pictures of them for the ‘Gram, how can we ever expect our crappy first drafts to ever measure up? For me, that is the definition of intimidation. How do you overcome those powerful obstacles in order to dare to call yourself a writer like all of your heroes? Above all else, how do you silence the doubt (even for an hour) so you can get your bottom in that desk chair, open up your latest WIP and
KEEP WRITING.
What Groups Fall Into the Intimidating Category?
Here are some groups that may have contributed to your feelings of “less than” in the past (and maybe even currently): Teachers, other writers, beta readers, critique groups, or strangers who ask questions like “Have you been published? Have I heard of anything you may have written? What do you do for money?” We probably all have a shameful memory related to our educations that made us questions our skills and talents, let alone our desire to put our voices, no matter how immature, out into the world. Other writers can be intimidating because they may be more skilled, have a larger platform, or secured an agent, all of these are realities, but none of them have the power to affect your story. Only you have that power.
The Voice in Your Head that is not YOU
The most intimidating voice in your posse of naysayers is the one that comes from YOU. The old stories you tell yourself about not being good enough, or smart enough, or talented enough to pursue an artistic passion are just that: stories you tell yourself. This voice was most likely patterned after early ones in your life. Those prominent people who wanted you to be safe and normal and not talk to your imaginary friends! You are not that voice. Be kind to yourself. Be curious about how far you can go with your artistic pursuits. What would you say to your friend, your critique partner, your lover if they wanted to write? I am sure you would be supportive and generous with your encouragement. You deserve the same. I am a fan of affirmations. Say “I am a writer” everyday in the mirror, until it becomes your truth.
Back to Work
When you are feeling intimidated because of a laundry list of edits or the fear of a blank page, or reeling because of someone’s less than helpful commentary about your art, the best response is to get back to work as soon as possible. Give yourself time to name what it is that feels intimidating. Literally say the words out loud: “I am feeling scared because I don’t know if I can write this section any better,” “I am worried that the last poem I wrote will be the last one I write,” “I wish that lady in the library didn’t make me feel like a loser since she couldn’t find a copy of my book.” Say all the words. Then, set a timer and write. That ‘s what you are meant to do. Let those words go. That’s all they are. They are empty and ethereal. The words you put down on the page are the ones that will last.
You are a Writer Because You Write
When you feel intimidated by the word “writer” or “author” or “artist”, remember that by definition, a writer is one who writes. So if you are doing the work (see the previous section), then you get to call yourself a writer. About eight years ago, I went to the doctor’s office in Cambridge and checked in at the front desk. The woman said, “Amber Hill, that sounds like a writer’s name.” I replied, “That’s good because that’s what I am.” That was the first time in my adult life I had ever said that out loud to anyone. I usually answered with, I am a stay at home mom, English teacher, college consultant, or any of the many hats I have worn over the years. Through all those journeys, one thing never changed, I wrote through them all. When I came home, I told my husband, “I told this woman I was a writer today.” He said, “Good, it’s about time.”
Routine, Routine, Routine
When you get stuck in that circular logic of feeling intimidated, go back to basics. Set that timer, schedule that hour in your calendar, book a lunch date with yourself. Get into whatever routine you need to so that you will not be taken over by the voices that tell you, “You’re not good enough.” Sometimes, it is just the mechanical movement of a pencil across the page, the settling into your writing area with a cup of coffee, or the alarm going off on your phone, that tricks your body and your brain into carrying on with what it is you want to do. And in case you don’t remember, you want to write. So make a routine for that too. Start with journaling for two minutes. It feels like nothing, but it is a basic routine that will get you somewhere you want to be.
Ask Yourself Why
This is the scary part. Don’t ask yourself why you are intimidated. Anyone who writes knows why you feel the way you do. We may frame it in a million different ways, but we all know the feeling intimately. Ask yourself instead, Why do I want to write anyway? Your written words are so important to you that you are gathering ammunition to battle these negative thoughts valiantly and with grace. Try to see writing as a gift. It is a gift to you and a gift to the world. You feel good when you’ve hit that word count, you feel good when you fix that plot hole, you feel good just as many times as you feel intimidated. And you belong to the larger community of writers, and if you reach out to them, you will feel that support. Once you have asked yourself why you write, put your answer down on paper, hang it where you can see it and remind yourself of it everyday.
Two Exercises For When You Get Stuck
You are going to get stuck. You are. It’s part of the writing gig. Next time you do, try these two journaling exercises.
List three aspects of the human condition that you are grateful for. Remind yourself that even the greatest among us struggle and celebrate in this life.
List three times you continued to try even though the odds were against you. Why did you do that? How did you manage to gather the courage? What strength did you gather and what did you tell yourself along the way?
Good luck, friends. Keep Writing.